Transforming Relationships: Mindfulness of Thoughts #6

Jul 5, 2022

Believed thoughts and relationship expectations are inextricable liked. In this session, we will uncover the connection and look at how to make relationships a key part of the path to awakening. The area of human relationships brings out the most painful and unhealed aspects of our lives out into the open. The vast majority of our relationship difficulties come from believing the thought that someone should be different. We have expectations – we believe that people should act in a certain way – a way that makes us feel safe and secure. When these expectations (which are simply believed thoughts) are not met we either lash out or suppress our pain.
What if we could approach difficulties in relationship in a different way – a way that directly supports our awakening. The first step is to acknowledge that often in a relationship, we want something, and we expect the other person to fulfill this desire. We want others to make us feel happy, loved and appreciated. We have an agenda. “I love you”, often means “I need you”.
Of course, we can prefer that a person be a certain way. That’s different. We can have this preference, but our love for them does not depend on them meeting this preference. It is not a condition for love, rather merely a preference.
To begin in working with relationships we can investigate what is unfolding. Often deeply held believed thoughts are seen such as “I am not good enough”, or “I am unworthy of a loving relationship”. We may begin to see that our lashing out often comes from fear. Fear of being alone, fear of rejection, of losing control, or having our inadequacy exposed.